What I would tell my 16-year-old self

We have all seen the lists that people make where they tell their 16-year-old self a bunch of positive crap in the hope that an actual 16-year-old will read the list and find enlightenment.

Well…this is not one of those lists.

I was totally into myself at 16…16-year-old me did not need any additional positive reinforcement or confidence.

I was however an idiot and I have some legitimate things I would go back and tell myself.

1. Tea Tree oil does not adequately disinfect a sewing needle

Reading advice point number 2 will explain this one.

2. Don’t use a sewing needle to pierce your own nose and belly button.

I went through a little bit of a phase in high school where I thought it was a good idea to pierce my own nose and the nose of everyone of my friends using a pack of sewing needles. Thanks to my early defined germ phobia and my school teaching me about diseases I can at least say I wasn’t dumb enough to use the same needle twice.

I was however dumb enough to make the hole bigger by using a cut off hair brush bristle.

I also pierced my own belly button but didn’t go deep enough and it became so infected within the first 24hrs that I actually asked my neighbors little brother to take it out for me because I was too grossed out to touch it myself!!!

When I told my mother what I had done she was highly unimpressed and suggested that the only reason I told her was so that when it became infected she would buy me antibiotics.

3. When you get busted with cigarettes at school, telling your parents you are selling them is worse than saying you smoked them. 

Getting caught with anything you shouldn’t have as a teenager is a lose/lose situation. However, I was under the impression that if I told my parents I was selling the cigarettes, it would be better than admitting I had smoked some.

This decision was a FAIL!!

Thanks to this decision words such as “what’s next drug dealing??? are you going to become a drug dealer??!!!” yelled from my parents mouths.

I was in shock, I honestly thought this was the best excuse ever. I thought they would look at me as an entrepreneur not a potential crack dealer.

What shocked me even more than their reaction was my mothers shock that I had been busted with cigarettes in the first place.

That women had stolen countless packets from my bag and thrown them away without saying a word to me. Yet suddenly when the school does the same thing she becomes so overwhelmed with shock she tells my dad??!!….I am sure I will receive an email in the next 5 minutes regarding this comment!!

4. Your parents know that you are drunk.

I don’t know what goes through your head at 16, but when you can’t undo your own shoes and your friends have carried you to the car no amount of “goodnight guys” “I have food poisoning” “my iron tablets are making me sick” and “I swear,I didn’t drink” is going to save you.

Your parents know that you are drunk!!!

You look drunk..you smell drunk…you are drunk!!

If they don’t say anything it is because they couldn’t be bothered fighting with you, it’s not because you are inconspicuous or clever!!

Also, filling a water bottle with a shit mix of booze you have stolen from your parents is the worst idea you will ever had!! It will taste gross and it will make you vomit!!!

5. If you skip school and are a menace to society you will get caught.

My parents were super strict and I was an overachiever this combination led to me skipping school. If I wanted to hang with friends I wasn’t allowed to hang out with, I skipped school. If I had an assignment due that I didn’t finish, I skipped school.

The first time I ever skipped school was when I was 14 and I got busted because we were idiots. Instead of just straight up skipping school and watching movies at a friends house we ran all over the suburbs near our school causing a disturbance.

Yet we were shocked when the schools truancy officer turned up and busted us…words like “how did she find us???” etc were muttered from our dumb 16-year-old mouths!!!

The news that I had skipped school did not go down well with the folks..Lets just say I was in a different room to my friends and they could still hear my mother yelling at me through the phone.

I tried to be strategic and called my mother before the school could and begged her to say she let me have the day off…..I still got detention and my mother yelled at me…my strategy to get out of trouble had once again failed!!

I did several other dumb things during my High School years. However, I would prefer to stick to a list of stupid things that my parents already know about! I may be 28 but those people are still scary!!

In the end stupid or not I survived being a teenager and became a pretty decent adult. A lot of the time we forget to applaud ourselves for that!!

So as I self high-five I shall say;

Till next time,

-WiMM

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