Squamish Valley Music Festival – Sprinklers, Threesomes & Gogol Bordello

Squamish Valley Music Festival (formally Live at Squamish) took place this weekend in the beautiful Squamish valley (which is pretty obvious given the title), situated a convenient 45 minutes from Vancouver.

Now I don’t even know where to start when describing this festival experience.

I wasn’t able to make it for the entire festival so I can’t proclaim that it was the best experience of all time, however it was still pretty damn amazing.

Now in true WiMM fashion this trip had a lot of surprises (they get better as the weekend progressed) and it is those surprises that made the experience one to remember.

Surprise #1

I arrived at my friend Kimmie’s house earlier than expected so I decided to utilize my stoop hang out time by making myself an alcoholic beverage.

I opened the bottle of soda and it exploded all over me.

Starting the weekend off just right.

I am still  trying to move past the humiliation of meeting her husband for the first time looking like I had just competed in a wet t-shirt competition!!!

Surprise #2

I entered the festival alone expecting to catch up with my friends who drove me to the festival within the first 5 minutes however, after a series of really slow text messages and shitty drunk communications I ended up not seeing them for 2 whole days!!

Surprise #3

Eating the most amazing tacos I have ever eaten from a food truck.

Surprise #4

Getting in backstage.

Now it is usually my goal to try and get into area’s I shouldn’t be able to get into at every festival I attend.

Most of the time I am allowed backstage because I get a media pass or I am working production etc. but this time I was too disorganized to apply for such privileges.

That was when I realized, having super hot friends has just as much leverage as the correct wrist band.

We had a blast. Backstage is way better then front of stage, there are delicious drinks, chairs and total babes in bands back there, it’s essentially my idea of pure heaven.

Surprise #5

When our friend got us into Artist camping by pretending we were going to his tent to have a threesome with him.

Nothing says “bro seriously help me out here” to a security guard than saying “bro, seriously help me out here!!! I have two girls who are coming back to my tent…to my tent..are you understanding what I am getting at?!?!?!…two girls..with me…in my tent”.

Hanging out in the artist camping was the highlight of my entire festival. There was a big crew of amazing musicians playing instruments, encouraging each other and taking turns in playing original songs.

It was a great vibe I couldn’t get over how nice and inclusive everyone was. It is essentially the reason why I enjoy being backstage so much.

Backstage is where you see all of the amazing collaboration take place, where you feel the passion and see the genuine personalities of the musicians you love watching.

Surprise #6

We decide to call it night and head back to our tent waving goodbye to the security guard who at this point was probably assuming we are giant sluts who just had a dirty tent threesome.

After arriving at our makeshift home I get into bed then desperately struggle to zip up our tent. This was a difficult task due to the fact that my giant airbed was spilling out the front.

I finally get it to a point where I think ‘screw it, its closed enough’ when out of nowhere an irrigation system turns on and starts spraying our tent with water from all angles.

As I struggle to close the  zipper all the way, my jam packed tent decides it can’t take it anymore and the zipper bursts open leaving me exposed to the direct spray of the sprinkler.

Fighting off the sprinkler, which at this point is spraying directly into my face,  is not an easy feat so I tell my friend that she needs to get up and move the tent while I deflect the sprinkler.

Now Ellen (that’s my friends name) isn’t really interested in moving and feels that everything will be fine. But it is not fine!!! So eventually, after a lot of laugh yelling from me, she decides to assist.

While I am wrestling with an irrigation system that is built into the ground. Ellen attempts to move the tent, but she needs help, so I make a run for it and begin dragging the tent as well.

The system ended up nailing me in the back several times, but eventually we made it to dry ground. I was left cold, soaking wet and thinking…”THIS WOULD ONLY HAPPEN TO ME!!!”

Surprise #7

Now after a night of no sleep one cannot simply be upset, one must pour another drink, put on the most sparkly shirt of all time and carry on!!!

It was after all the day Gogol Bordello my favorite band of all time was playing!!

This is when the best surprise of the festival occurred.

As I am dancing in the front row, Eugene Hütz (the sexiest mustache clad Ukrainian on the planet) looks in my direction, he had a very serious expression on his face, so I smiled….and…wait for it…HE SMILED BACK!!!!

Call it timing, call it a coincidence, call it what you jealous bitches must…but I know what it was and I will cherish it as Surprise #7 for the rest of my life!!!!

Surprise #8

After the festival had ended, right when we were ready to call it a night, we met the most awesome guys in a 7/11 line-up and had a very enjoyable gorging in the gutter party with them once we purchased our 2 am snacks.

In the end I had a great weekend, I wasn’t too keen on the huge line ups for the beer garden or the $8 Molson Canadians however my 8 little surprises made it completely worth my time!

Till next time,

-WiMM

 

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